Wild and crazy kids

What can I say? I'm enjoying as much ignorance as I can get these days before my surgery. It's not as easy as it sounds, but I try. Last weekend, we made some rounds. My mom's friend has a sister who went through breast cancer a few years ago and used the same surgeons. She had offered for us to come over and talk with her. It's not really my kind of gig but it was nice of her to offer so we headed over there. She is really very sweet as is her husband, but I'm not sure if it made me feel better. She gave us a peep show and encouraged me to touch her breasts. (Awkward? Yes.). I got to hear some specifics about the procedure and the aftermath/recovery, including drains -- the thought of which still makes me gag. We left with a lot of pink stuff.

I'm not a support groupie type of person. I rely on my family and friends to get through tough times, and this is no different. The advice I keep hearing from everyone is to stay positive, stay positive, it's the most important thing. All I can say is that I'll do what I can and that's all I can do. I'm not thoroughly positive; I never have been and cancer is not about to change that. I'm pretty damn nervous about surgery and recovery, living in a painkiller fog. Who wouldn't be? I'm just a human being, and I have emotions... ups and downs, laughter and tears, pleasure and pain. Isn't that enough? But I think I understand. "Stay positive" is probably just everyone's way of saying "don't give up." And I'm not about to do that.

I have also received advice to get some baggy, button-down shirts for after surgery, so we have taken a few detours from the decor department to shop for those. It was really depressing! I headed to the men's section (suggested by others) and looked for the least masculine shirts. I moped through the racks. I mean, as if cutting off my breast didn't make me feel less feminine enough, now I have to start cross-dressing? Puh-lease. I bought one shirt and I was outta there. Then I went and bought a pretty dress to redeem myself as a woman.

We've done a few wild and crazy things. We went to Hard Rock and gambled away some hard-earned cash ($6!). I cut my hair off today (shoulder-length, so daring). And Celal finally bought a pair of sandals! Things are really tough around here, but we manage.