Raindrops on Roses

Hi friends! Four a.m. seems like the perfect time to write after a two-month hiatus, don'tcha think? I'm rounding the last lap of chemo, with only two weeks to go! I can't pinpoint the reason for absence of writings, but it could have something to do with a lack of ability to articulate my thoughts in words, those lovely neurotoxins, perhaps... or perhaps a tired mind. Chemo is quite a good place to be, relatively - at least, it provides the illusion of progress, and at most, it actually fulfills its service. Unfortunately, this bender is coming to an end, and I must face the reality of quarterly exams and wait for the results with sweat on my palms.

This three months of treatments, which have been every Wednesday, has been quite different in nature than the first three months. Taxol and Herceptin are strange substances. The cocktail leaves me hyper and talkative (i.e., not me) on days one and two, and I mostly pull college hours on Wednesdays, hitting the pillow around 7am. I'm productive. But everyone has been walking on eggshells around me, as I develop a severe case of irritabilities on this weekly cycle. The decadron (steroids) gives me a lovely breakout rash come Thursdays, and my ravishing appetite has gifted me some extra pounds. I'm weighing in at my heaviest - 67 kilos as of yesterday - just about 148 pounds. It's depressing. But this is it. I have no nausea, no lethargy, nothing of the likes of the first three months of chemo. My hair is coming back, but it's still not me in the mirror. I did buy two funtastic wigs. But sometimes they make me cry. I hate looking like a drag queen. But there is a good side, I suppose. When I get nostalgic and peruse through the photos of the past two years, I can see myself a bit more objectively, through a stranger's eyes. And I really deserved to treat myself with a higher esteem. I promise to do myself better in the future. Hooray for self esteem.

In boob news, I finally healed and started to have the injections in the tissue expanders. Doc will keep pumping me up until radiation starts, which should be upon completion of chemo, I am assuming. I won't be having my final reconstruction (that boob job I've been advertising) until six months after radiation is complete. I am not too happy to wait this long, but apparently he can't do it any sooner because the tissue will not be healthy enough.

So, in summary, here's what's left:
- Chemo: 2 weeks!!!!!!
- Herceptin: 9 months after chemo, every 3 weeks
- Radiation: 5 1/2 weeks, every day
- Breast reconstruction surgery: 6 months after radiation is complete
- And finally: Removal of the power port, after herceptin is done

In total: About nine months and three weeks left. I'm staying strong, I really am. I'm even proud of me.