So where do I pick up the pieces? I'll start at the end and work my way to the beginning. It's a lovely Saturday in sunny Florida, the weather is perfect. There are no doctor appointments until Monday. Life today is pretty normal, and one might even go so far as calling it a "vacation" of sorts: freshly squeezed OJ, eggs, and bacon in the morning; sipping passion tea on the patio with the light, wafting breeze in the afternoon; and heading to visit some old friends for dinner tonight.
I'm 29 years old and I have cancer? Still getting used to that one. So, for those of you who don't know the scoop, here it goes. I was in bed about two weeks ago, as one does, reading and trying to fall asleep. I guess I was playing with my boobs subconsciously (don't you?), and happened feel something small and a little hard in my right boob. Celal made an appointment for the doctor the following Saturday (21st) and I didn't think TOO much of it. I was more concerned with that damn CELTA course I was taking and having a nervous breakdown over lesson plans. Anyway, I went to a new doctor right down the street from our house because I was too lazy to see my regular doctor (his office is in Yesilkoy, and the weather is nasty in Istanbul, and did I mention, I'm lazy?).
So... he felt me up. He said it felt like a fibroid, probably (which made total sense since I also have endometriosis and fibroids in my uterus...). So, an ultrasound, mammogram, and hellish core biopsy later, I headed back to school on Tuesday, and I wasn't too concerned, like I said. We were expecting the results from the pathologist that afternoon, and as the time came nearer I became more and more worried about the results. Well, I left school at 6pm, as usual (after I was nearing tears from a harsh discussion regarding my lesson plans). I had a really bad feeling. I called Celal since we usually meet after school/work to head home together. I asked him about the results right away, and he said we would talk when I get there (about 10 min away). That threw me for a loop. I was thinking it was either the worst-case scenario, or my husband was really inconsiderate to make me wait to hear good news.
So, I exited the Tunel this past Tuesday, where Celal was waiting for me. We smiled and kissed each other hello as usual. We chatted for a minute about nothing important. He didn't want to tell me. So, I asked. And I asked again. He couldn't tell me. I started to scream at him, "Tell me what he fucking said! You are not telling me! Is it cancer? Did the doctor say it is MAYBE cancer or it IS cancer?" So after a few more roundabout answers to that question, Celal told me, and we just looked in each other's eyes and started to cry on the ferry.
My mom and Celal both decided that I would be coming to the States for treatment. So, here we are. Luckily, I am seeing the best doctors. We spent the entire day yesterday getting more tests and getting closer to a treatment plan. The cancer is basically in my entire right breast, and hopefully contained therein. I definitely will have a mastectomy. I only *need* it on the right side, but it doesn't make any sense to keep a uniboob. Not to mention, it is a huge risk. Anyway, I have to do more tests on Monday (three core biopsies to determine if the cancer is invasive/spreading or not). If it is, I need chemo prior to surgery. (The plan is to do surgery at the end of March.) I also have to get the genetic blood test, which may lend to WHY the hell I have breast cancer at 29. I have no family history of breast cancer. Weird.
So, I'm getting a boob job. I've always wanted smaller ta-ta's anyway. I'm coping I guess. I'm not really excited about it, but what can I do? I'm really going to miss my nipples. We are just hoping the cancer is not spreading...I don't know how I will cope with chemo. I will, but it's still pretty damn scary.
Seriously, there is so much to write and I don't know how to fit it all in... I thank everyone for their support and I look forward to writing more and hearing from everyone.
xoxo
P.S. - I promise I'll try to add a bit more humor to the next post...
